The Unfortunate Events Surrounding my Pak History Exam

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19th December 2019. What a day! (Irony)

Exams are perhaps the most stressful time of the semester. Every assignment you copied, every quiz you did over on WhatsApp, every 10-minute-class-for-attendance you took, it all depends on your final! Your letter grade (feels like a distant memory – FU corona!) is an amalgamation of what feels like 50% final exam and 50 % literally-everything-else. Unfortunately, this is a lesson I learned the hard way.

How my Story Starts

For those of us who’re very active in student societies (remember those?), the fall semester represents what is perhaps our toughest challenge. The entire 4 months, we’re preparing for those January ‘mega-events‘ we’re so (in)famous for. Yes, you know which ones I’m talking about. Anywho, I started the day before my exam in a good mood. Finally, it seemed, we were going to pull off the biggest concert of the year! Unfortunately, it lasted about as long as the ‘FAKE’ post did (you know – THAT fake post). As soon as I had my morning coffee, WhatsApp notifications started going off crazy. Oh, no! I had to reach campus ASAP because a certain ‘Someone’ insisted they needed my help. More on that later.

The Story at Campus

I got to campus in a hurry, realizing Pakistan History’s exam is tomorrow. No worries, we’ll get home in time to study, right? After all, I have about 19 hours left.

After doing the entire walk from Gate 4 to the Student Center, doing the whole ‘how are you?’ and hugging people (remember what THAT felt like 😔), which took about an hour, I suddenly realize; I had to book the entire campus for the next two weeks! Damn, has the other event’s team already snatched up all our rooms? Is there no hope? I rushed to the building in-charges of all 4 buildings, breathing a sigh of relief when I accomplished my task. To this day, my only contribution to Enigma IX. 18 hours left.

Anyway, back to the certain ‘Someone.’ This someone, let me tell you, is a problematic individual. Upon meeting her, I immediately asked the big hurry. Why was an ordinary, humble host-team member required at campus all-of-a-sudden? Well, we went to the NBP building (underrated spot) to discuss some ‘corporate work.’

Corporate, my dear freshmen, is grabbing finances from companies in order to pull off your event. What ensued was a discussion on everything but that. When this conversation started, I had about 17 hours left. No worries. However, by the time this certain ‘Someone’ was done with her painfully long rant (most of which I agreed with) about life, her work, EXAMS, GPA, and other stuff we can’t talk about (because IBA today will get sued), I was down to 15 hours. Oh, no! The thought started creeping into my head – maybe, just maybe I had overplayed my hand.

Studying for the Exam

After I got done having the discussion of a lifetime, I was all set to leave! Finally, I’ll get enough time to go home, prepare for Pakistan>India, and have a good night’s sleep. Turns out, life isn’t quite that easy. I ran into a friend! Now, you know what they say about KU canteens (as my fellow colleague Yasir pointed out in his article – do check!), they’re awfully enticing.

Sure, I could eat. I have about 14 hours left, right? Well, what followed was a struggle of mass-proportions. Going from canteen-to-canteen, ditching places for menus (they’re literally the same) and ambience (or lack thereof), we finally decided on Sufi! It’s time to finally try their ‘daal-chaawal.’ After all, my ancestors who struggled for independence (something I should’ve been studying more of) would be proud of me for trying someone ‘traditional’ right? In fact, it was so delicious, we decided on another! And so, it went on, for about 2 more hours, until the tally was less than 12 hours. I gotta get home!

Exams Day and the Night

Putting everything aside, I was hard at work for my exam. About 200 pages to read in one night. Doable, for a Social Sciences student. What followed was an epic journey, from the time of our inception to the great deception that was Zia. I further moved to contemporary politics, not caring a bit about the clock as the hours went on and on. Finally, as I read the final page (talking about our ‘handsome’ PM), mountains were lifted off of my shoulder. I could give a lecture on everything I had just memorized. In fact, I did (I still have the voice recording)! The only thing I forgot about, however, was sleep. It was 6 am, my exam was at 9. I was once again going to pull off an all-nighter! Such has been the norm ever since the first semester. No worries, right?

Well, you can imagine my surprise when I woke up at 11:45, 15 minutes removed from the inevitable ringing of the bell, signalling the end of the exam. Yes, I had slept through my paper, in a course I was destined to get an A in. Fortunately, I woke up in my bed. Unfortunately, I received an F, which stays on my transcript to date. It was – literally – the most expensive sleep of my life.

Behind the Scenes

I’m sure you’re all wondering about the certain ‘Someone,’ the main antagonist of this story. Well, look no further; it is the very lovely editor of this article, Bismah Akhtar! Had she not called me to campus, I would’ve been A-okay! To this day, I find a way to bring it up in our conversations. Moral of the story, kids? DO NOT MISS YOUR EXAMS!

Cover picture: A conversation between the author and his lovely editor.