The emotionless, broken soul
Are you a broken soul? Do you ever have those days when you are drenched in never ending problems? You eat, you sleep, but you don’t feel anything; those days when you feel lost to the extent that you don’t feel your soul anymore. You are breathing but dead on the inside. The feelings of happiness and contentment are buried somewhere in an unapproachable land. You have a broken soul.
Your broken soul experience the days when you aren’t sad because there aren’t emotions anymore. You just don’t feel anything at all. It’s those days when your heart is like a dried land, a land that doesn’t hope for rain. The heart that is dead. And You Are Lost.
My journey from wandering to refuge
My broken soul too had those days. It was one of those days when I met my lover for the first time. I was introduced to my ‘Mehboob‘ that very day- the day I picked up my diary and a pen.
It was midnight, everyone was sleeping but I could feel my wet pillow and the stares of walls. They were curious to know the being that I was writing to, the one who made it possible for the dead soul to rub the round nib of pen against the page to write something. I was sitting in the corner just to hide myself from everyone. Maybe because I knew this was going to be a special moment and I didn’t want to ruin it. It was the moment when ‘Dear diary’ got changed to ‘Meray Piyarey Allah Tallah’.
The rain on desert of my broken soul
Deep inside a bruised part of me was brought back to life. My broken soul was mended. I opened up to Him. The words came as a flowing river, making its own way, not caring about the stones that were stopping its way. Weaving through the stones as if they were yearning for a long time. I talked to Him. The dead feelings came back. I shared what I felt, I cried, the pages were wet with my salty tears. It was a beautiful moment. Imagine crying out to someone who won’t judge you. Telling your broken dreams to someone who can fix them, mend them. And most importantly who Loves you the most.
“We are closer to him than (his) jugular vein” [Quran 50:16]. This ayah never felt so true until that day. He is with us, He listens to our dramas, He has time for us! No matter how many friends you have, how supportive your family is, you still need someone by your side. It’s impossible for a human to be with you for every second of your life. Allah says in the Quran “He is with you wherever you are” [Quran 57:4]. Imagine having someone who is with you 24/7.
Connection with The One heals and mends broken hearts
It’s only Allah Talla who mends broken souls and hearts. We just need to remove the communication block and tell Him our stories. The broken ones, the happy ones, the daring ones. From that very day the pages became full of letters. Love letters to the Beloved.
Oh I still adore those magical moments when I first talked to Him. Now every time this life knocks me down, or I get hurt by someone, or I am having a hard time, I just open up my diary and write a letter to Him. It does wonders. I know He is already aware of whatever I am going through but sometimes you just need to let it out. To feel a little light, and to breathe. It’s a therapy for me to calm the relentless waves. The best part is, He replies too.
